Raising self-sufficient kids
The topic of raising self-sufficient kids is a constant conversation in our home of 6 plus Omega (our latest edition). And it was, before having our twins who are now 4. The reason being is, our own way of being raised by our parents was completely different. This doesn’t make one persons way of parenting better than the other but it can be very challenging at times in our blended family home.
So let's jump right into the conversation.
Because boys and girls mature at different ages I think it safe to say that girls tend to be more self-sufficient earlier than some boys. While little girls might enjoy the self-sufficient task of choosing their own glittery fabulous outfit for school, boys aren’t so thrilled until they get old enough to want to look cool.
The clothes mom once picked out with the dinosaurs isn’t so cool anymore so he might politely let his mom know, I got this mom. We all know as mommies’ how wonderful it is to hear those words. Whew! One less thing taken off our plates. In that moment, he becomes self-sufficient in choosing his own clothes.
I honestly think many parents this decade lack the patience to help their children problem solve issues and this is a beginning step of becoming self-sufficient. Problem solving skills start as early as 1 when a toddler is trying to place the puzzle piece in the correct space. What happens when the square doesn’t fit in the circle? They are forced to use problem solving skills to either force the square to fit or try a different location for the shape.
Because we live in a fast moving society everything is immediate.
Parents are already overwhelmed with life, work, and family that when your 5 year old says, “Mommy I cant tie my shoe.” Knowing she has practiced this dozens of times and you know she can do it… you tie it for her. Maybe you were in a rush or your mind was occupied with something else. But in that moment you didn’t have her try to tie her shoe again.
Imagine doing that same thing over and over again with all kinds of tasks you know she can do. Each time you assist her with something she can do, you move her closer away from being self-sufficient.
One technique I used to help our 12 and 14-year old children when they were younger become more self-sufficient before bed was a task or chore chart.
I created my own using excel and laminated it to use as a dry erase poster. This allowed our kids to check off what they did each night to prepare for the next day. But if you are not that savvy on the computer I also found a really cool one on etsy.
The kids did not have to do the tasks in order except spacing out dinner and the last snack. Once everything was completed they were allowed to watch tv before bed.
This chart also helped them with time-management because sometimes they were able to watch 1 minute of tv and other times 20 minutes.
Helping your kids develop a sense of self-dependency contributes to their overall growth and development.
If we can start potty training at 2, why not continue to push the limits early. I really believe the accountability skill also comes from self-dependency. Heck! Some adults are still struggling with accountability issues. You and I both know them.
At the end of the day their is no blueprint to raising kids and each are so very different. All we can do as parents is set them up for success when we are not around.
““Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ”
